Well feeling a little sorry for myself so this post will be short. Hubby out of town 😦 I'm home with a 5 year old *sigh* and it's Friday night. Night hubby and I would rent a movie (yeah we live exciting lives) get take out, and enjoy ourselves. I still keep up the tradition, but doesn't just seem the same with out him at times. Today being on of those times.
So need some input here. Wondering what else I can hit that sounds like the fleshy part of an ass. Have a regular caller who wants me to smack my ass 20 times while calling myself nasty horrible names. Oh this job is so glamorous sometimes….lol The names I can handle, it's the smacking. I no don't smack my ass, but do smack my thigh, and after 15 mins I tell ya they are bright red. So hubby and I were trying to figure out what would sound like an ass if smacked. I came up with a thawed chicken, but heck I don't keep thawed chicken around just in case I have a need for it for a call….lol So I thought it would be fun to get some input what do you think I should hit that would sound like me smacking my ass….;)
Sometimes when creating a buzz and return clientell it's about the big picture right? Well I've been trying to get Hubby to understand this for the last few days. We have a goal of buying a house by September. Which means I need to be making an average of a certain amount a week $450. Now apparently this is realistic. So after talking to my great boss she had some ideas. One was getting me to do some dispatching. Now the first thing hubby asks is how much does that pay. Ok dispatching only pays $1/call. So nope won't make $450/week just dispatching. So I try to explain to him that hun what it does do is get my voice out there. Because the guy wants to talk to the first voice they hear, and no I can't do calls when dispatching the guys remember who you are, and apparently do call back when you are not dispatching. I checked with some other girls about this. There is also the fact that we will be having some direct dial sites which will be more $$/min, and I can't get on those unless I've done some dispatching. Not to mention I can dispatch when kiddo isn't at school for a little bit, and heck it all adds up. I think I explained that to hubby about three times today alone….lol He's not one to see the big picture in some aspects.
Oh my was I busy last night. One of the most busy nights since I've started. Now I started keeping all my weekly reports in excel in the beginning of April, and I'm starting to see calling trends. Like Sunday nights will be slow, and have had weeks where I've made good money, and had no calls on a Sunday so I don't stress it now. Monday nights are always more busy than Sunday nights. Like last night omg I did a call for like 89 mins. Woo hoo go me. As well as I had a bunch of other calls. Now of course this follows my theory if I plan on doing something while working the calls flow in…lol So I had all my stitching set up. I'd like to finish this like 8th page of a 50 page project (yup I'm nuts), but nope I was to busy…woo hoo. Seeing as my goal is to reach $450 a week by the end of September if this keeps up I'll be there before September….woo hoo.
So I get a call last night. Guy wants a slight Southern accent, and a slight Domme. Now for any newbies to the lingo a slight domme (aka light domme) means no pain. So financial dommination, small cock humilation would be considered slight (light) domme. Oh and yes there are a whole whack of guys that have small coks that get off on being humiliated about it. I don't try to understand it. I just try to be good at it to make a couple of bucks. Anyhoo. I get this guy on the phone, and right away he's telling me how he gets off on giving his credit card and bank info to strange women over the phone.
~ H 'do you have paper and pen ready.'
~ M 'yes.'
He then starts giving me all his info, and I can hear him whacking off in the background and that noise gets faster as he's giving me the numbers. I don't actually write anything down. I may do Phone Sex, but I have morals.
~ H 'I want you to spend $25 from my Capital One account.'
~ M 'Oh what a sweet offer.'
I don't say either way, and of course I wouldn't. He doesn't think very clearly, and at the end of the call I even told him. Hun next time (because he said he'd call back) you can tell the Dispatcher to run the card for an extra $25 as a tip. He said he wasn't aware of that. Not sure about that one, but I think for him would be just the excitment of having someone go into his accounts and take it. But I'm just not like that. So I found him very interesting. Wonder if he'll call back….:)
I can't belive it after two LOOONNNGGG nights my in-laws are gone. And not much actually went wrong, ok my mother in-law picked up everything she could to read it. Including hubby's employment contract (told him to put it away.) She also discovered dust bunnines under my couch, and computer desk *gasp eek.* There was the one hour drive to Edmonton where my 74 year old mother in-law tormented my 5 year old. I swear it was like listenting to two kids. Kiddo likes to sleep in the car, and mother in-law decided to pester him so kiddo couldn't. I at one point said you two don't make me come back there. She's freakin 74 years old!!!! But this was the most fun part of their stay. Had to buy more condoms as I said hubby is home nudge nudge wink wink. Now to help this story my mother in-law was raised Menonite. She has never worn a bathing suit (that's porno don't ya know), doesn't go to movies, doesn't drink, I know she has had sex at least twice, because they have two kids, but very early on in their marriage they were sleeping in two different rooms.
~ me 'need to go to the drug store. I'll walk over be about 20 mins.'
~ mil (mother in-law) 'oh I'll come with you.'
~ me 'that's ok need to buy some personal stuff.' (thinking I don't need this to turn into a family affair.)
~ mil 'oh I like to see what you use.' (um ok she thinks I'm having my peroid and wants to see what I use OMG still would be no.)
~ me 'well I'm leaving.' (thinking I'll teach her)
~ mil 'oh I'm coming.'
~ me 'whatever'
So we walk over to Drug Store me listening to her constant dribble. Thinking better to be thought a fool, and keep your mouth shut than to open it and remove all dout. Lady don't you ever shut up.
We get to the store. I walk down family planning asile right by all the fem. products right up to the condoms. Mil right behind me.
~ mil 'or you missed what you need.'
~ me 'nope it's right here.
~ mil nervous tone 'oh.'
~ me saying very loudly 'well Brenda what do you think. They have warming condoms and flavoured condoms….hmmm or these studded ones look interesting. Hey even ribbed ones.'
~ mil 'um I thought you need fem. stuff.'
~ me 'nope never said that said I needed to buy something personal you said you wanted to see what I use…hey look they have a sampler pack with all of the different kinds of condoms that looks like a blast.'
Turn around to find she had left the store….OMG That was the most fun of their entire stay. Put a big smile on my face. We get back home and Father in-law so what did you buy? I look at mother in-law, and she said to him don't ask….roflmao.
So I bought my first vibrator at the ripe age of 35. Yup had never even used one before that. Ordered one on-line (amazing what you can buy on-line) from a cool shop. Hubby can work like 25 days of the month out of town, so a girls got to do what a girls got to do. I ordered the one called the 'Beaver.' It's a pretty pink vibe, with a beaver on it, and let me tell you omg that beaver can sure do a good job 😉 So now flash forward to my first night as a pso (Phone Sex Operator), and caller asked if I have any toys.
~ me 'yup I have a vibe'
~ him 'well use it.'
~ me 'I have to go get it.'
~ him 'thought you'd have it right there.'
~ me 'well I will next time hun'
So I'm thinking hmmm really don't feel like using it during a call….lol…so I get my vibe. He asks me to turn it on which I do hold it up to the phone so that he an hear it. Then he asks me to put it in. Well believe it or not part of being a good pso is being a good actress. And I'm actually not half bad, so I pretend to…make all the noises I need to make (I make great noises), and voila guy is happier than a pig in shit….lol
To bad I didn't keep the reciet for the vibe 😦 Had no clue in January when I bought it that I'd be using it to enhance a call during phone sex….lol
In just about 12 hours the dereaded in-Laws will be here….HELP. No one offered a tent in their back yard so looks like I'm stuck here. We will make sure things are tidy (place pretty much clean), make up world's most uncomfortable fouton, got some groceries yesterday, and Mother In-law will still find something to pick on. So I may not be doing to much in my blog with them here, seeing as computer is right in the living room, and well they don't know what I'm doing….lol On a positive note hubby is home so I'm going to go crawl back into bed with him for a cuddle.
Well hubby came home last night woo hoo. He's been gone for 2 1/2 weeks due to work. So it was great to see him. I now have to adjust having him around again for a few days, but all worth it 🙂
On a down note he did phone his parents, and they are coming out here on Friday. When hubby asked how long they plan on staying. Their reply was until you guys kick us out. OMG WHY ME Ok just putting work aside for a moment, WHY ME *shakes heads in hands.* I so need a hug right about now *sigh.* So I won't be able to work from like Friday until who knows when….grrrrr…..not to mention I'll have to put up with the uber controlling mother in-law from Hell. Anyone have a tent in their backyard I can stay for who knows how long? I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that having them sleep on the word's most uncomfortable fouton on the entire planet will cut their trip short. Like hubby leaves to go back to work on Tuesday, and the in-laws will probably stay at least to Wednesday (like leave Wednesday) morning, because kiddo has T-ball on Tuesday, and I'm thinking they'll want to see one practice…*rolls eyes.* That would be good for a laugh actually, watching my Mother in-law run around a T-ball practice screaming her fool head off. At least kiddo is still to young to be embarassed by that *sigh.* Ok I think I've done enough bitching for one day….lol Have a good day y'all.
So I'm working today, because kiddo is in school. All set up and roaring to go. And nothing, not one call for like two hours. I think oh ok this will be a slow day. So hmmm what can I do so that I can monitor our chat room, MSN (msn is how I know a call is coming for me). Ah ha brain storm. I could work on some of my cross stitch (needle work). Not very sexy, but I was up until like 5 am taking calls, and needed something to do so that I wasn't falling asleep at the computer. So I gather all my stuff current project, a TV tray to put all my gear on, and settle in for some stitching time. I get the fabric all ready when Dispatcher tells me I have a call. Woo hoo. I had like a bunch of calls after that. So it never fails if I want calls I just need to start doing something facial, grabbing a meal, and now cross stitching it seems….lol Whis is good cause I know what to do to make those phones ring….lol